


(you gotta' believe me when i tell you) i said i like it like that

by Isolatedwriting



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: A little angst, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Grinding, Oral Sex, Semi Public Sex, Smut, Trans Abby, and then go clubbing, and then go home but its 11000 words long for some reason, because I say so, dina isnt actually in it but shes mentioned, for fun, idk i like it so here, just butches being best friends who may or may not know they're in love, porn with feelings but also plot? Revolutionary, wait
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:35:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28531554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isolatedwriting/pseuds/Isolatedwriting
Summary: "Its not unique to have her this close. They have made more than a couple of girls irredeemable jealous in doing exactly this, but it’s the first time Ellie has found it a shame to stop, so the thought comes as something of a shock."Or:Ellie has just been dumped yet again, and she just wants to go dancing with her bff. Just them being butchy fuckgirl  best friends and also idiots
Relationships: Abby & Ellie (The Last of Us), Abby/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 66





	(you gotta' believe me when i tell you) i said i like it like that

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god im so sorry this was meant to be a quick oneshot because i liked the idea of them as these like, asshole gays, but then it got out of control so here is this.... hope you enjoy!
> 
> CW: for my trans ppl, this does contain some oral sex preformed on a trans woman so just be aware of that!! Easy to skip over but for fair warning its takes place near the start of any sexual activity, if thats triggering at all, stay safe!

“We're going out!”

Abby starts awake from her spot on the couch, a book on her chest and already keenly aware of what is going on.

“She left you?”

“She left me!”

Ellie had already stampeded through to her room, the door open so the sound can travel, and Abby pulls herself up into a sitting position, running her hands across her face to try and wake herself up. The intrusion is not altogether unusual, and she knows she won’t be getting any more sleep for a while. “What happened?”

“That is none of your business!” Ellie re-enters in a furry of movement, and Abby doesn’t know what about her look might have changed, but she’s in her normal getup, complete with a tattered flannel. “You can’t show up in sweats. Get up!” Ellie dives down to push and prod until she gets her way, jeering at Abby like she isn’t asking her for a favour.

“Can we do this tomorrow?”

“Um, no? Its Saturday, and I'm not spending this eve of my heartbreak on this couch, with you, in sweats.” Abby almost argues that she’s already kind of switched off for the night, that she’s comfortable and lazy and would much rather placate her with ice cream than tequila, but Ellie looks a little desperate behind the eyes, and it makes the decision for her. Maybe this one has actually knocked her for a loop, but Abby doesn’t ask about it, and heads for her room instead.

Ellie mixes together some disgraceful cocktail of whatever alcohol and mixer they have in an empty coke bottle while Abby strings together a workable outfit. Her clean clothes are running low, and she notices it with a grimace before shutting the door and the knowledge out behind her. Ellie whoops to her, grabs her cigarettes and drags them outside, her hand on the back of Abby's neck as she shoves her out the door, and Abby bites back a sneer, because Ellie doesn’t usually react like this to a break up. She’s a video games and bitching kind of woman, but the way she drinks from her concoction implies she’s hoping for a good night still.

Abby doesn’t really like the idea, but she’s on board, because its Ellie, and she takes a healthy swig when the coke bottle is handed her way.

The night is young, and the streets are busy, and Abby swings an arm around Ellie’s shoulders as they walk; a common occurrence and a welcome one. Ellie grins under the weight of it, and falls easily into step with her, foolhardy in the dark and fighting to keep her mind at rest. She needs this, and she’s determined to enjoy it.

Ellie newest dumper was honestly cool. Even overprotective Abby had warmed to her, and she’s dying to ask about what the final straw might have been, but it would come whenever Ellie was ready to tell it. Still, Abby is excited to have her single again. Its always weird listening to Ellie and whatever girl she is with that week through the paper thin walls of their shared apartment, and its always most fun just the two of them anyway.

“Its been too long!” Ellie seems to be on the same wavelength. “I'm getting so high you're going to have to carry me home.” Not an empty threat, but Abby ignores it, swinging her around a little in the crook of her arm as they walk, and tries to keep a straight face when Ellie squirms, urging her to walk faster because they have already finished her awful paint thinner drink and she’s still wanting. Abby doesn’t give in to her.

*

“You've bought pills from strangers, you can’t turn down a joint with your best friend!”

Abby rolls her eyes. “Sorry that I can’t afford to destroy my lungs, Williams.” Its not a lie; Ellie wheezes whenever she gathers enough speed to call it anything more than a light jog, but she still shoves her for the jab. The smoking area isn’t as busy as it normally would be, there’s a Britney song playing inside, and Ellie knows the best time to smoke without involuntarily inviting stragglers to try and join them. Abby, being already used to this kinda thing, always came with her for cigarette breaks, and usually Ellie wouldn’t bother asking her to join, but Ellie is drunk, and she wants to have fun. To have some connection with someone while she’s feeling free and wild.

So she sparks up the twisted end, and blows a little blast of smoke into Abby's face, laughing openly when it earns her a grimace and a grumble. The air is cold on her bare arms, but she should have expected as much. Abby has a jacket, because she always does – she stashes it somewhere at the beginning of the night rather than paying for check in, because she isn’t going to freeze for Ellie's addiction's sake – and Ellie covets it for a moment, before trying again. “C'mon, Abs, I’ve had a rough week.”

“When was your last good week?” She’s slurring a little, lazy with familiarity and drunker than she should be this early in the night.

Ellie snorts. “Asshole. You know what I mean.”

For a moment, they stand silently while Ellie puffs away, taking her time and letting it ease her nerves. Abby regards her with folded arms and a dire expression, before she rolls her eyes and pushes away from the wall. “Fine! But if I can’t keep up with Manny next week you have to do my laundry.”

“See, I can see you've already rigged this, but I’m willing!” Ellie takes one last long drag before she hands it over, an excited grin on her face. Its not the first time she’s gotten Abby to smoke with her, not even close, but its still thrilled to _win_ , so much that doesn’t care that Abby rolls her eyes before she brings the joint to her lips and pulls. She doesn’t cough anymore, but there is a working in her throat that Ellie is drawn too, and she grins when she releases it easily. “Now, was that so bad?”

Abby takes another hit and hands it back, their classic two-toke-pass agreement already in play, and unable to take the chide in Ellie's voice. “Whatever.” She scoffs, and takes a seat beside Ellie on one of the ugly rainbow picnic benches that litter the outdoor space. There’s a few other people around, but they are paying the pair no heed, so she lets her guard down to enjoy the rare indulgence.

The smoking area is well lit despite the cold, fairy lights draped across the space between the two building, but its dull enough to give privacy, and Ellie's eyes sparkle with mirth under it when she passes the smoke back. Abby glares back at her.

“How’s Joel?” She asks, and notes the way Ellie's lips turn up in a grimace, theatrical with drunken leniency. Abby laughs. “That bad, huh?”

“He’s really gonna be an ass when he finds out I'm single again.”

“Relax, he just worries about you.” Ellie shrugs, and for a moment Abby is glad of the peace, but she doesn’t let her enjoy it for long. Ellie is easily distracted, moving from one subject to the next in her mind much faster than Abby can keep up. Her elbow comes up to dig into Abby's ribs, a quick move that she’s too drunk to defend herself from.

“There’s a girl looking at you.” Abby starts at the words, and slyly as she can, follows Ellie's eye line. “She's pretty.”

“She’s not my type.”

Ellie makes a guttural sound of disapproval. “Bullshit.”

Abby doesn’t react, takes her time letting smoke enter her lungs and holding it there until it burns and forces her to expel it, because Ellie is right. The woman is beautiful, and maybe any other night she would have been over there already, grateful to be free of Ellie's second hand smoke and maybe lucky enough to get more than the smile she’s currently getting from across a room. Instead, she says exactly what she’s thinking, as Ellie deserves. “I'm here for you tonight, dummy. Can’t leave a friend alone after a dumping that brutal, or whatever.” She rolls her shoulders in a shrug, and doesn’t catch Ellie's frown.

Ellie leans into her space, snatches the joint from her, and takes a drag. Its almost finished, getting too hot between their lips, until Ellie stubs it out on the underside of the bench, rubbing her hands together to warm them up. “Its fucking freezing, lets get a drink.” She pulls Abby to her feet and drags her to the door, ignoring the way Abby yammers on about bringing a jacket with her when it’s almost winter and 2am (something she’s heard a thousand times) and makes a beeline for the bar. The drink is overpriced and under mixed, so they go straight for the shots, because nothing else here is worth the price of admission, and they choke them down in unison, forcing their faces straight as to not show any weakness in front of the other. They both see through each others bravado, but its tradition, competing with each other for the others attention.

The dancefloor is packed, but they squeeze through the bodies until they find their space, earning dirty looks as well as appreciative ones as they go. The music thumps around them, entrancing and loud enough to chase away any lingering thoughts Ellie might have had before she arrived, but that’s why they are here, and she lets herself go.

*

Ellie isn’t sure how they got here, but the music is loud enough that she can’t hear her own voice singing along, and any thoughts she might be having are outshone by strobe lights. She’s drunk, maybe a little more so than usual, but she's still riding a high, and her body moves easily along to the thumping of the bass; she can feel it through her converse, each move coming with a little resistance from the sticky floor.

Abby is there too, close enough that she can feel her better than she can see her, and her teeth glisten menacingly over at her when she smiles. The dance floor is crowded, bodies bumping together as they vie for space, and Ellie grabs Abby's hands as she moves, dragging her into a mistimed flailing of limbs and laughter until someone crashes into Ellie's back hard enough to send her careening forward.

“Hey, fuck you!” Ellie spins to spit at the offender, but they have already disappeared into the mass of shadows. Ellie is almost drunk enough that she could have dove after them, and started a fight with the first unfortunate passer-by that looked at her funny, but Abby reaches for her before she can, grabbing her hips and pulling her back.

“Don't.” She says, and Ellie barely hears her over the music, even as her back hits against Abby's front, close enough to smell the alcohol on her breath and feel the heat of it on her cheek. She murmurs something and begins to sway, the stranger in the crowds already forgotten as she falls into a rhythm against her roommate. Her hands come down to rest over Abby's on her own waist, squeezing down in a grip that explained itself. Abby's own hands mimic the motion, hard on Ellie's hips, as the song begins to mix with the next. “I love this one!”

Ellie doesn’t, she doesn’t really care for Abby’s taste in music, but she lets herself go to it, grinding back into Abby's crotch as she responds to the beat, and its easy. Being with her is easy. She pushes the idea away, and leans towards the way her t-shirt rides up against her skin, catching against Abby's clothes in their frantic movement, and she twists her hands above her head to roar along with the words she doesn’t know, because Ellie is drunk, and the high is catching up more and more as the lights begin to flash around them again. Abby's hands wind further around her waist, pulling her closer until the back of Ellie's head brushes against her chest; she lets it rest on her shoulder, her hands falling to play with the upper twist of Abby's braid.

She smells like alcohol and weed, and it makes Ellie hungry. Her fingers dig between the ropes of Abby's hair until her nails reach her scalp, and she laughs when Abby's breathy singing blasts waves of hot air across her neck. “You've gotten better at this.” She says, arching her neck so her words might be heard over the music.

She doesn’t hear her response, but one of Abby's hands moves from her hip to drag along her stomach, a possessive hold that Ellie is sure she could break out of, but one she leans into instead. Its easy to dance like this with Abby. There’s no pretence, and she can let go in it, so she does, scratching through Abby's hair until the braid is messy and mused, and Abby’s hand on her waist dips low, her fingers stiff as she drags her nails down Ellie's thigh and back up again, brushing against the seams of her jeans and laughing when Ellie's body responds naturally, jutting out to meet her touch. She claws harder at her hair to retaliate, but also because she knows Abby likes it; they need to stay on the same level when it comes to this, or Joel's words might pop back into mind. That’s the last thing she wants.

The though alone makes her crave a cigarette, so she drags Abby back outside - stealing her jacket this time, because she’s skinnier and needs the extra layer, as she laments – and she sits on the table with Abby between her legs to shield her from the wind. Ellie dips her hands into her shirt, through the stupidly huge loops of her drop arm shirt, pressing her cold hands into her stomach to make her grimace. “It'll help warm you up eventually!” She chides when Abby turns her head to her to snap some reprimand, kissing her temple quickly and urging her to finish the joint (Ellie decided it was more fitting than tobacco alone) so they can go inside again. Abby's muscle flexes under her fingers.

Another dizzying round of shots later (burning down into their stomachs and making them giddy) and a line for that bathrooms that nearly ended in a wrestle for the first free stall, they find themselves back together on the dancefloor, tucked away into a corner where the speakers overwhelm them, and where when Ellie closes her eyes, she can’t tell her own touches from Abby's. The music has quickly become incomprehensive and quick, their dance forced to match, but its not until Ellie turns around in Abby's arms that she feels anything.

She’s heaving breaths, fired up with exertion, and Ellie wraps her hands up and around her neck. She needs to drink some water soon, or she'll probably end the night badly, but the dancefloor is hot, and she’s loath to part with that swirling heat. She licks her lips and wishes she could just materialise it. Abby shoots her a look. “You okay?” She asks, and Ellie just nods at her, not quite meeting her eyes anymore.

“Are you?” She asks instead, and Abby scoffs.

“Wasted.” Ellie laughs at the confession, because she can see that much in her unfocused slur of her words, their jerky grinding, Abby's hands on her ass, how comfortable _she_ is with them there. Its not unique to have her this close; they have made more than a couple of girls irredeemable jealous in doing exactly this, but it’s the first time Ellie has found it a shame to stop, so the thought comes as something of a shock. Their legs tangle together, and Ellie leans in close enough that all she can smell is sweat, making her keenly aware of how slick she feels with it.

Abby is looking down at her like she’s trying to read her, and she doesn’t like it, because its too concerned to be as relaxed as she needs tonight to be. She needs to dance, not talk. “I'm just gonna get water.” She leans up to yell in Abby's ear, pulling herself away from her once she knew the message had been translated across the swell of electronic music. Abby is at the rare level of shitfaced that leaves her confident enough to dance alone, and Ellie takes one last quick look before fighting towards the bar.

The bartender recognises her, and is already pouring her out a tequila by the time she arrives, which she chokes down without any regalement before asking for water, gulping half of it without taking a breath. There’s a little breeze coming in from somewhere, sending a shiver down her spine, so she creeps away with then pint glass, slipping between bodies until she spots Abby again. That extra shot isn’t sitting with her nicely, but its forgotten when she’s gathered up in her best friend's arms again, the glass snatched away before she can think to offer it. Abby reaches up and back to put it flat on top of a speaker once she’s emptied it. “Thanks, babe.”

_Oh right. Babe_.

Ellie lets her body be guided. Its mindless, but she’s so painfully aware of Abby's hands twisting her shirt and rough on her skin that it’s hard not to think about what’s kept her up for days. What Dina had tried to explain to her so carefully that it felt like she pitied her, which really hadn’t helped the situation because Ellie has felt pretty pitiful since. She seizes that feeling as she does Abby's hands, guides one up to her chest as she rolls in time with her and tries to ignore the questioning jolt in Abby’s form, before she mercifully goes along with it.

She has never been soft with Ellie. Its always been wrestling rather than cuddling, vicious verbal lashings before words of comfort, and while the latter kind of affection does occur, this happens to be the former. Ellie leans into her, grabs her hair when it swings into reach to pull her down around her, until she feels swallowed up between Abby's body and the speakers. She feels dizzy and drunk and _free_ , and she doesn’t care about what the rest of them say, but she still wants to prove it.

Abby huffs in her ear. “Ease up.” She says, even as Ellie's hands reach out behind her to keep her in place, grabbing wherever she can and holding on for dear life. “If you're trying to prove something, you have.” Abby says, and Ellie thrills to here it. “Every girl in here is looking at you.”

“They're looking at you.” Ellie bristles as she says it, her eyes scanning the room anyway. She hasn’t lied to her, people are looking but in the same way anyone stares at a couple groping on the dancefloor. _Friends_ , she corrects herself. Friends groping on the dancefloor.

Abby scoffs at the stiffness in her, squeezing her through her shirt like its nothing, like it doesn’t send a spark of pleasure down her spine. “Either way, you’re hot shit, and you're going to make me embarrass myself if you don’t _stop_.” It’s firm. Abby doesn’t drink as much as she does, despite having the constitution, especially when she smokes, but she must be very tipsy to speak so openly, but conscious enough to keep her voice steady. It makes Ellie want it more.

She grins at the compliment behind it all, tightening her grip on Abby's hip with one hand, while the other twists into the end of her braid again to bring her head down to her level. “Are you hard for me, Anderson?” She whispers, mustering her bravery to kiss her jaw in a sloppy performance that catches Abby off guard. She freezes, but doesn’t stop Ellie from turning to continue her attention down to her neck, until her tongue runs a line along a taut tendon there, and Abby shudders.

“What the fuck?” Ellie isn’t sure if its for her to answer, but she pauses anyway, just to give her an out. Abby's hands have fallen to rest on her waist again, and they tighten around her when she finally meets Ellie's eye, before there’s a glint of mischief there. “Do you want me to be hard for you?” She sounds so disbelieving that it kind of pisses Ellie off, and she gives her hair a yank instead of answering her directly. Abby curses, but Ellie sees her. She’s seen her like this before, but not usually so close; usually from across rooms, before she would give her a thumbs up and watch her disappear into some hidden place with some random stranger, and proceed to drink herself under a table.

Abby wants her, and its thrilling her to her core to know it.

Ellie closes in again to kiss along her pulse, hot and wet as Abby swallows around it, her nails leaving little red lines on Ellie's waist. “Seriously, Ellie…” She chokes, and Ellie brings her lips up to her ear.

“Do you want to go somewhere more private?” Abby groans, and Ellie is aware that there is an internal war going on inside her head, the same one that’s been raging in her own for days. She hopes she comes to a conclusion faster than she did, because she’s _horny_ , and its not like they’ve never done anything together. The occasional drunken kiss, some heavy petting, but never more than that. Ellie wants more than that, just once, just to quiet the insistent knocking of that question. Eventually, Abby just nods.

Graciously, there’s no line for the bathroom this time, and they crowd into the back stall, rushing to get the door locked behind them, before Abby's back is pressed against it, and Ellie kisses her. Its not smooth, they're both a little too drunk and a little too excited to make it good, but Ellie has kissed her before. That’s not why they're here.

Abby’s quicker than she is, unbuttoning her pants in on deft motion, before her fingers slip inside, brushing her through her underwear. Ellie bites down on Abby's lip, dragging it out between her teeth with enough force that she’s sure it hurts, and Abby's eyes - already locked with hers - narrow. “Are you sure?” She asks, but her fingers keep up their steady ministration, back and forth and just avoiding where she wants her. Ellie can't take it.

Her hips buck up, embarrassingly needy, and she makes an affirming sound at the back of her throat, not sure she could actually have put it in words for her. Abby echoes it back at her, and lifts her hand to dip it beneath her boxers. Ellie can tell she’s nervous, and surges forward to kiss her, her hands tucked deep into her already destroyed knots of hair as she urges her on. Her hips are jerking, and it seems Abby finds her courage, because she dips low into Ellie's wetness, gathering it on her fingers before she’s back making steady circles around Ellie's clit. Her other hand is behind her, falling from the small of her back down to her ass, where she uses the leverage to guide Ellie's hips into a steady rhythm.

Its quick, not exactly the most perfect experience, but Ellie thinks she might have cum right there and then. She doesn’t want too, and breaks away just to whisper an urgent, “Inside.” Abby obliges her right away, dipping one finger down to her entrance. Testing the waters. Ellie, against her better judgement, lets out a low groan into Abby's neck, where her head has fallen. She’s trying to focus on the fact that they are in public, that there is someone pissing only a few feet away from them, and separated by only a thin sheet of plastic, but once Abby decides she’s acclimatised and slips in another finger, Ellie doesn’t think even that can keep her quiet.

Abby pace isn’t as brutal as she expected (to aware of their surroundings, Ellie assumes), but its steady, and it doesn’t take long for Ellie to see stars. She moans, leaning all her weight down on Abby's arm as she begins to slow, riding through the aftershocks with gasping breaths. The room feels oddly quiet, besides Abby’s panting in her ear, her hot breath on the back on her neck when Ellie leans forward to rest on her again, the vibration of her humming when she withdraws. Ellie has never identified with the idea of feeling ‘empty’ in this sense before, but she feels it now. She can’t tear her eyes away from the slick glisten on Abby's fingers before she wipes it off in her jeans.

“Do you always get this wet or is it just me?” Ellie rolls her eyes at the lousy excuse for a joke, shakes her head but kisses her anyway, her pants loose around her waist as she works to open Abby's. Abby is quick to grab her wrist. “You don’t have too-" Ellie shoots her a glare to quiet her, unzips her slowly, and doesn’t take Abby's slow and steady method. She and Abby are no stranger to each other's sexual preferences, through late nights talking or listening to each other through the dreadfully under insulated walls that divide their rooms, so she sinks down to her knees on that grimy bathroom floor and takes Abby's pants down with her.

Ellie has never done this before, but she knows enough, and she wraps her hand around her length to get a feel for it, tries not to get distracted by the way Abby braces herself against the door, and the way her nails catch in the stupid little love carvings that pepper the wood. She pumps her hand experimentally, and Abby bites down on her bottom lip, and when her tongue darts out to lick along the tip, Abby moans and shakes like she’s been suddenly struck by a silent, invisible streak of lightning.

“Shh, you'll get us kicked out!” Ellie whispers, and she doesn’t know if Abby hears her, but she twitches in her hand, and Ellie feels a surge of confidence. She wants to make her feel good, it’s the last thought in her mind before she wraps her lips around her head and flicks her tongue like the reddit threads told her to, pumping her hand in as much time with it as she can. One of Abby's hands falls heavily on her head, and for a moment Ellie wants to shake her off, but she doesn’t, and it just rests there, not guiding or forcing. Ellie keens up into it without even thinking, hollowing her cheeks to suck lightly.

Abby is softer in her mouth than she expected, easier to take in than she thought, and she runs her tongue along the underside of her, from where her hand began to her slit. She doesn’t know how long its been, and she doesn’t care to know, because she’s staring up at her best friend straining just to keep quiet, eyes squeezed shut and facing skyward. Her breathing is quick and shallow, easy to tell when she’s getting close. Ellie thinks she knows before Abby even chokes out her warning, and gives one last series of licks before lets Abby finish herself off, startled when she moves back and feels her own arousal is streaked down her thighs. Her legs are so weak that they fail her, and she falls on her ass beside the toilet.

Even though she’s just cum into a wad of tissue paper, Abby still laughs at her, tossing those tissues over Ellie's shoulder and into the bowl. Its more of a bark than a laugh though, and Ellie comes to the sudden realisation that she’s stressed out, and is quick to lash out with a kick to Abby's shin. “Shut up!” She says, quietly as she can when laughter is bubbling up in her own chest, and she grabs Abby's hand when she offers it to hoist her back to her feet.

Before the blissful brain chemicals wear off and she needs to _think_ about what she’s doing, Ellie kisses her, presses her back against the door with everything she’s got. She’s soaking wet – can feel it with every move of her legs – and she doesn’t want to dance anymore. Hell, she doesn’t even want a cigarette. “You want to get outta here?” She asks. Abby's halfway through buckling her belt back into place when she pauses, looking at her with such a difficult expression to decipher that Ellie doesn’t even try to get into it.

“Really?” She asks, still with that air of confused arrogance that Ellie knows is a defensive attack. She shrugs.

“Yeah. Really."

*

Ellie's whole body is shaking, but she doesn’t think she has felt this free in years. It’s a little weird (something that verbally has slipped out of her mouth a few more times than she can bother to count), but Ellie is consumed with this; the cold stillness of the wall against her back and the heated body pinning her there. Abby's leg is pressed between her own, angled just right that Ellie is made aware how wet and wanting it leaves her, how _big_ her thigh feels and how much is forces her own apart in its presence.

She wants and wants and is she makes it known with gasping curses through a broken kiss that just makes Abby laugh. Ellie bites after her, drawing her closer by the back of her neck and grinding down as much as Abby's weight allows her to, until she can feel the bulge in her jeans against her waist. She whines before she can stop herself, tossing her head back and banging it against the wall hard enough to stop everything. “Fuck! Ouch.” She grits her teeth as soon as the words were out but its too late.

“Fuck, are you okay?” Abby's face has changed since the last time Ellie focused enough to actually take her in her expression; her eyebrows furrow and her lips part. They're swollen and distracting and Ellie can’t look for long. Her hands are beginning to withdraw from Ellie's shirt, and she’s quick to grab them before they can break contact with her skin. Her bra is unclipped and loose around her, so its easy to slip they back underneath, and Abby's fingers part to accommodate her, to brush the mounds of her nipples and send an extra spark down to her core.

“I'm fine.” She waits for Abby to nod to reconnect their lips, but once she does it is bruising, and exactly what Ellie needs it to be. Her hands flit down to do battle with Abby's jeans, but she’s batted away like its petulant to even attempt, and before she knows it Abby has sank to her knees in front of her. Ellie can’t tell if she should be freaking out, but she’s not. She really is fine. She unbuttons her own pants and starts shoving them down her legs, kicking Abby into gear it seems because she’s quick to take over, taking everything down to her ankles until she can step out of them on shaking legs. Abby looks up at her and it is strange, but not as strange as Ellie hoped it might be.

Abby leans in to kiss the inside of her thigh, her eyes never leaving Ellie's, and its almost too much. Ellie feels words leaving her mouth without directing them herself. “I need-" Abby’s lips are so distracting against her skin. “Bedroom.” Its like a growl, and she pulls Abby up by her shirt in a grip that hurts to hold before they're tumbling into Abby's room, not sure who made the choice between them, and leaving Ellie's pants on the floor by the front door behind them.

Abby's room is dark, but they're not looking where they're going anyway, too involved in each other and ripping at pieces of clothing, too familiar with the layout to need to look, but Ellie still gasps when the back of her knees hit against the bedframe. She’s bare besides her t-shirt, and acutely aware of it when she falls over for the second time that night, this time taking Abby with her. Ellie had already stripped her out of her shirt, so she uses her braid to manage her instead, guiding Abby down between open legs to kiss her, until she’s lost in the way her hips gyrate up to meet Abby's stomach before she even knows what she’s started.

She breaks the kiss, turning her head to pant into the unmade bedsheets when Abby goes straight for her neck, down the length of her jaw and not sparing her teeth as she goes. It feels maddeningly far from herself, and everything else around her is just _Abby_. Its exactly what she wanted, but she doesn’t care about that anymore. She moans, long and heady, after what she is sure has been an assault on her pulse that she will feel in the morning, that she will see in the mirror and not be able to look away from. Abby’s canines drag down to her collar, hooking along the jut of it.

Unable to make herself heard but trying to make her needs known, Ellie's hand forces itself down from Abby's back, leaving scratches as she goes, to claw her own shirt and bra up to her neck. She should feel exposed like this, but Abby's hands wander the new excess like she’s taking stock of her, up along her sides, as her head ducks down to her chest. Ellie's chest heaves to meet her, like she has suddenly been submerged in icy water, but Abby's mouth is hot and giving and she yearns for more of it.

Hands drop to her hips to pin her down and it’s agony. Ellie's nails are carving into the nape of her neck but she doesn’t even react to it, ravishing attention on her breasts with licks and kisses and completely unaware of how torturous she’s being. When Ellie can force her eyes open long enough to watch, she swears she’s even smiling as she does it. “Abby-" Ellie strains to speak, but she’s cut off when those hands on her hips slip beneath her instead, forcing her closer as Abby surges up to kiss her. Ellie can barely keep up with her.

“Fuck, you're so hot.” Abby whispers. One of Ellie's hands has found its way back into her hair to keep her near, to stop that kiss from ending, but Abby ends it anyway. She pulls back fully to urge Ellie properly onto the bed, and its only when their bodies are separated for a moment that Ellie notices the effect she’s having on her. Abby's pupils are black with want, locked on her and restless as her body, itching just like Ellie's is to be touching again. Ellie tugs her forward when she doesn’t move fast enough.

She wants her inside, any way she wants to be, and she’s gasping that into her mouth, tasting the way Abby moans her name, the first moment that she can. She pulls Abby's bra over her head and tosses it aside, meeting her halfway to ferociously bite at her lips, her hands sliding down her neck to touch her. Abby’s whole body shakes like a leaf under the attention, the slightest brush against her nipples enough to have her gasping Ellie's name like a prayer, and Ellie fights to keep herself grounded as her legs tighten around Abby's waist.

“I need you to fuck me.” She rasps, urging herself up to kiss anywhere in reach, until hands come up to grab her own, and pin them at her sides. Abby looks so different like this – there’s a hickey forming alarmingly large on her neck, and Ellie keeps finding herself dwelling on it – but she smiles at her then, wolfish and _beautiful_ and so familiar than it catches Ellie off guard. “Abby, please.”

“I love hearing you say that.” Abby whispers, like maybe Ellie wasn’t actually meant to hear her, but she frees her arms as her own dip low, spreading Ellie’s legs open again gently with almost massage-like movements. She pauses for a moment to pull herself up and back, bringing all of Ellie’s attention down to her stomach, where it glistens with Ellie's own arousal, indented in the swell of muscle, and Ellie wants nothing more than to run her tongue along the crevices. Its only for a minute, before her lips are pressing incessant kisses down Ellie's body once again, but its ignited something in her that feels hungry, and angry, and Ellie writhes under her like a woman possessed.

Abby doesn’t leave her waiting, but flips them over with a grin so that Ellie is on top, straddling her waist. “Fuck yourself.” She says, as one of her hands disappears between Ellie's legs to drift teasingly through her folds. “I want to watch you." She already is, her gaze along with her spare hand wandering the expanse of her, until Ellie can’t take it anymore and bears down on her hand.

Her fingers are bigger than Ellie's, and she feels the stretch of them right away, easing into her without resistance before she scissors them slightly like she’s getting a feel for new land. Like she hadn’t been scouting there before. Ellie shivers at the thought, taking her in slowly because this is different than before; she can groan and scream and enjoy it this time, take her as deep as she can and let it all go. Let herself just enjoy this for what it is.

She can feel tented underwear press up against her ass, pushes herself back to meet it just to hear Abby whine. Abby doesn’t let her away with it, thrusting back as Ellie rises again and curling her fingers. Ellie isn’t sure if its instinct or retaliation, but she’s so full of her that her vision goes white. It sets them in motion, Ellie's hands falling to her chest for balance as she rides her fingers, fast as she can while Abby keeps her upright with a firm hand on her waist. She wants to watch her, and Ellie is more than willing to put on a show.

Abby isn’t really fucking her, she’s fucking herself on Abby's fingers, but every time there’s a jolt of pleasure that gets to be too blinding hot for Abby, and her hips buck up to meet hers, its better than Ellie could have thought. She doesn’t even think she could have handled real thing anymore. Her fingers slip and scratch across Abby's small breasts as she rides her, paying as much attention to her peaks as she can with black spots clouding her vision, because it hasn’t failed yet in making Abby jump.

She doesn’t usually do this kind of thing, leaving herself open like this to be _looked_ at, but Abby doesn’t make her feel weird, so she doesn’t feel weird. Abby looks at her like she’s beautiful to seek out her own pleasure, even sits up to press open mouthed kisses on every inch of her chest that she can reach, just as Ellie's thighs begin to give out. Abby takes over like she’s done this before, three fingers stretching her open, fast and blinding and Ellie's orgasm hits her like a blow to the back of the head. The force of it pins them both down to the mattress again, Ellie's nails clawing sharp tracks into Abby's shoulders as they do. She’s gasping even as Abby's thrusts begin to slow.

She’s working her through it, and Ellie is taking her for everything she is worth, rocking back into every pump of Abby's hand until she cannot anymore and collapses down. Panting in Abby's ear is easy, no worry that she might be judging her for her noise or her body, because she is in the same boat, even as her hand twists in Ellie's hair to drag her up to her lips. This time is languid, sated, but Ellie still groans into it. “Your turn.” She says, and Abby retreats a little.

“Sorry babe-" _Babe_. “You’re gonna have to wait till next time.”

_Next time_.

Abby looks like she regrets the words as soon as they're out, looking up at Ellie with parted lips that probably had a million excuses in them, but Ellie is already distracted away by the meaning of her words, rather than their content. She sits up to arch behind her, where she noted the distinct wet stain colouring the only piece of clothing they have left on between them.

“Aw, dude, c'mon!” She says, unable to keep the childish whine from her voice, but Abby is rolling her eyes at her, pushing her up and forward with a roll of her hips until Ellie falls forward to lean over her once again, hands on either side of her head for balance. Close enough to kiss her if she wanted.

Ellie's mind is whirring, because she is a little put out, if she’s being honest. Thoughts of Abby's nightstand collection of toys (some she’s seen and some a complete mystery) plague her. She wanted to see them, to see Abby on the end of her strap – she hasn’t decided yet if she wanted her on her back or from behind, whatever Abby wanted was fine. She’s mourning the loss of it before she even comes down from the high, and Abby knows it. She kisses her like fire, distracting and consuming in itself, but it’s the lazy tracing of her body that works her up all over again, soft and calm again.

“I'm sorry.” Abby says, as condescending as much as Ellie was irritated. “I'll make it up to you.” Her mouth is on skin again, her body pulled up into a sitting position to meet her own, and Ellie is just about being lulled back to the dull haze brought about by her own need, when Abby's voice cuts through her again like a knife. “Sit on my face.”

“Sweet.” Ellie doesn’t have time to cringe to herself, because she’s ready grabbed Abby hard by the shoulders to push her down, and climbing up her body as swiftly as she can until she’s kind of hovering over her shoulders. Abby looks tired, but eager, and she urges Ellie on by grabbing her still sensitive thighs and pulling her forward. It’s a silent reminder that she is actually into this, and as much as Ellie didn’t think she needed the encouragement, its easier to balance her knees on either side of Abby's face when she’s the one guiding her.

Ellie's hands reach out to steady herself on the headboard before Abby even touches her. She’s shivering, cold even as she sweats, and Abby runs soothingly warm touches up the outsides of her legs and around to her ass. She’s leaning into it just as Abby’s lips part to taste her. “Fuck! Shit!” She groans, folding her arm along the bedframe so she can lay her forehead on it, and inadvertently causing her to catch sight of Abby staring back up at her, as her tongue darts inside.

There’s something in them that she can’t identify, and Ellie lets her eyes slip shut as Abby kisses her, envelops her whole, her teeth bumping just so against her clit as her tongue darts in and out, wetness dripping down her throat and across her cheeks. Ellie is still jittery from her orgasm, but she feels the second one coming on fast, faster when Abby finally moves her attention to her clit, flicking her tongue quickly as fingers, once resting soundly on her ass to keep her still, fill her once again.

Its overwhelming. It feels like Abby is everywhere at once, and if Ellie were a little more sober or a little less desperate, she might have felt embarrassed by the way her body seeks out Abby’s. Instead, she rolls and writhes down on her face freely, chancing a look down just as Abby gives her one long lick from her entrance back up to her clit, sucks her down, and she cums hard, her teeth locking down on her own forearm to bear witness to her pleasure. Abby shivers between her legs.

She hangs there for a moment, just long enough to feel a burst of anxiety when she opens her eyes, and dismounts a little clumsily to catch her breath on her back instead. Abby's head turns to face her, and she’s so quiet sometimes that it drives Ellie up the walls.

“I didn’t know you were such a bottom.” Ellie finally says, breathless with exertion but refusing to let the moment pass in silence.

“I like looking up at you.” Abby's eyes dart down to her chest, like an asshole, so Ellie tells her as much, gives her a punch lacking force, and climbs under the covers. She doesn’t even think about what she is doing before she’s already done it, and she turns to face the wall because she’s already stressing herself out. Would it be weirder to have gotten up and left? She’s not sure, but she’s so tired, Abby's breathing is so steady behind her, and her legs are jelly, so she stays where she is, startling only when a well muscled arm winds its way around her waist.

Its familiar but not altogether. Abby's hand comes up between her breasts like it isn’t strange for her to be there, and she snorts a little in Ellie's ear after a long moment. “What?” Ellie snaps, more unkind that she meant it but Abby doesn’t even seem to notice. Her arm tightens around Ellie. _Simmer down_.

“I can hear you thinking.” She murmurs. “Shut up.” Ellie rolls her eyes to herself but tucks down into the pillow, tries to do as she’s told while steady puffs of air meet the back of her neck. Abby is right behind her, warm and solid and her friend, so its easy to fall asleep in her arms. She could deal with piecing it all together in the morning.

*

Days prior, when Ellie had gone to Joel's for their weekly meal together (something he demanded as a compromise to letting her move out at all), he brought up the consistently irritating question once again.

“So, how’s your love life?” It was mostly just to tease, because Ellie always reacted way too much when he asked, and that time was no different. Ellie spluttered on her beer, until Joel clapped her on the back, a solid laugh in his chest and no idea what he was about to get into. “Who was that girl you were with again? Kitty?”

“Cat. And we broke up ages ago.” Ellie didn’t look at him when she said it, because she knows he worries about her, but she did twist out from under his arm to lean on the railing instead. They were out on his terrace, enjoying the evening before it got too cold, and Joel had leant back on his chair as soon as he processed her words. “I'm with this other girl now, Dina.” He never met her, because she broke up with Ellie only two days later, but for the moment, it wasn’t a lie.

Joel sighed, a tired, old man sound that drew some light teasing from Ellie, but the conversation swung back anyway, by no fault of her own. “Listen, Ellie, now you know I’m not one to be inserting myself into your decisions,” This was a lie, and Ellie had scoffed at him, but he raised a hand and powered through the interruption. “But I'm starting to worry that I’m raising a heartbreaker.”

“Stop.” Ellie protested, shooting him an evil eye that told him she was serious. He raised his fingers from the rim of his bottle in surrender, but didn’t let her drop his gaze. He’s serious too. “Joel!”

“Not my fault the most consistent woman in your life is that roommate of yours!” His tone had been a joking one, but Ellie's retort had caught in the back of her throat as she was introduced to the concept that would linger with her until that weekend. Joel had never been Abby's biggest fan; since they met in college in the midst of Ellie’s wildest year, to only a few weeks ago, when they had buzzed each others hair, resulting in a shaken undercut for Ellie and shaven sides for Abby - matching, as they had justified it to him over FaceTime the next morning. Abby had stuck around despite his dislike.

Joel hadn’t pushed her much after that, maybe sensing that she had been shaken somehow, and by the time she arrived home, she was relieved to see Abby's door was already shut for the night, because Joel's unthinking comment had left her reeling, and she didn’t want to see her.

She had stayed up that night watching old reruns of Xena, and draining the last of their whiskey. Abby hadn’t asked about it when she found her there in the morning, but left a glass of water and two pills on the coffee table before leaving for her run. It really hadn’t helped her situation, but Ellie had drank enough away to ignore any remnants of uncomfortable realisation. She went over to Dina's that day instead of hanging around.

Dina had dumped her the very next day.

*

Abby wakes up first, like she always does, but her head is pounding so she keeps her eyes closed. She’s keenly aware that she’s almost naked, but that’s not completely a cause for concern all on its own, and she’s stretching out her limbs to relish in her hangover when she realises something that might actually tip her over that line. There’s something in her arms. Something warm.

As much as she doesn’t want too, she risks opening one eye just a crack, and her stomach drops. Ellie's mess of hair is still half in its tie, but most of it has escaped in the night and is sprawled all over the pillow above Abby’s head. She’s tucked into the back of her neck, and as soon as she’s aware of her it seems stupid that she wasn’t already. There’s a strong undertone of smoke that clings to her skin and deep in Abby's throat, almost choking, and Abby carefully shifts her arm back from around Ellie, so she can roll over and check the time.

Its not early, but she still has some time before Ellie is likely to stir, and she can’t hang around here or she'll work herself into a fit, so she slithers out the side of the bed, careful not to disrupt and easing off the mattress slower than a rabbit leaving a burrow. She grabs a shirt from the floor, slipping it on as quickly and quietly as she can, but Ellie doesn’t so much as sigh, deeply asleep with her face pushed into her pillow. The part of Abby that hasn’t processed the night yet rounds the bed to snap a picture of her for blackmail purposes, but she deletes it before she even reaches the kitchen. It seems kind of inappropriate now.

She flips the kettle on to boil and gets down two mugs (coffee for her, tea for Ellie) from the cupboard, leaning against the counter and flicking through her phone to get a grip of how much they might have embarrassed themselves on their stories last night, in a desperate attempt at distraction that doesn’t last as long as it should. There’s a song playing in the background of one of their videos – it must have played fours times in the time they were there – and it sounds like Ellie's hands tight in her hair, the visible beat of a speaker, or a bathroom stall. Abby feels cold in their little apartment kitchenette, and loathes herself for a second for not grabbing a sweatshirt, and then for another reason entirely.

Ellie had been her best friend for as long as she can bear to remember, and the startling reality of that ending was suddenly large and looming around her, enough that she catches herself drifting before it happens only because of the kettle clicking itself off. She pours with hands steadier than she feels, and lets her mind wander, because there is nothing else she can do.

Ellie wanted her. She said it herself, but it feels like a dream, something that never could have actually happened. Ellie had never shown interest in her before, besides in the possessive way that Abby could understand, when she would tear her away from whatever or whoever she was preoccupied with to rant endlessly about some other girl, or whichever of her fixations had caught her this time, and Abby wouldn’t even mind, because that's them. It was anyway.

Ellie's voice echoes in her head, hot and desperate for _her_ , and she clenches her jaw to keep her thoughts from wandering where they shouldn’t, but its not enough. She’s heard her cum before, but never directly in her ear, never gasping breathlessly around her fingers, and its ringing there when she finally just closes her eyes and breathes. It’s just Ellie, she’s had awkward moments with her before, and she can face her now. Her stomach rolls at the thought.

But then there’s the possibility that Ellie might actually like her – like that. It makes her jittery to think about, because its something Ellie has always teased _her_ about.

(“ _Careful, Abs, if you keep looking at me like that, I might think you’re falling in love with me_.”)

Abby lets herself feel the burst of elation, like she’s just discovered the most wonderful ammo to use in their next argument, because that’s easier than registering the reality if it. As if she hasn’t shown her hand as much as Ellie had. Committed the same set of motions she herself is condemning Ellie of. It falls into place like a weight bar on her chest, with no spotter to save her.

_Oh_.

Abby swallows thickly, rubbing her hands up her arms to force some heat into them and to distract from the way her gut is twisting itself in knots. She begins to pull the remnants of her braid apart to keep her hands busy, letting it fall weirdly down her back. Its been awkward to wear down since she had let Ellie take an electric razor to the sides in a moment of tired lunacy, but she can’t be bothered to tie it up again before at least getting a shower in.

Their drinks brew and before Abby really has time to think it through, she’s back in her room, and Ellie is staring back at her.

“Morning.” Abby murmurs, her voice tired and unused in the morning hours and Ellie looks at her like nothing is different. Its easing. She offers her mug out to her, and is halfway into crawling back into her own damn bed when she freezes in place, suddenly consumed by the probability that she was doing something wrong, before deciding that this is her own damn bed and sitting down slowly. Ellie just stares at her the entire time.

She sips her tea and watches her and its infuriating. Abby feels uncomfortable in her own bed, and she takes a furious gulp of coffee to stop herself from doing something stupid. Ellie mimics her silently. She’s slightly on her side, not facing meticulously forward like Abby is, and her lips are parted like she wants to say something but has forgotten how to form the words. Abby goes to her phone for distraction when Ellie offers her none, but the pictures on her feed feel boring and she has never felt less inclined to engage with them. Ellie's eyes linger across her.

Before Abby is halfway through her drink, Ellie starts violently, like she’s been asleep the entire time and only became aware of her surroundings in that moment. She nearly spills tea all over herself, and Abby looks over by instinct to make sure she hasn’t hurt herself, only to realise painfully that Ellie is naked, even if that fact is incredibly obvious once she has noticed the way she holds the sheets to her chest. She averts her eyes politely, and by the time she can tear them away from her coffee, Ellie is mid-retreat, dressed again in her shirt and underwear from the previous night.

She leaves the door open behind her, but the distinct slam of her own stings anyway. Abby goes back to her phone, because her throat is working hard to swallow the lump forming there and she'd rather not let herself wonder what Ellie might be doing in there.

Eventually, Abby becomes aware of how gross she feels and how badly she needs a shower. Her sheets are in want of a wash too, and she strips them there and then because she won’t do it later, and the scent of sweat and sex is following her around like a ghost already. She starts the washing machine and grabs a towel, and on her way to the bathroom she spots Ellie out of the balcony, curled into herself on a deck chair. She hadn’t even heard her leave her room. Their dwelling is mercifully only on the first floor, but the balcony has always been Ellie's space by default; somewhere Abby just doesn’t go. She's smoking, has changed into some sweats and a new shirt, but she still looks rough, staring off into space and a million miles away. Abby clears her throat.

“I'm just gonna be in the shower, so if you need to like, piss or whatever, can you go now-"

“Dina left me because of you.” Its startling, because it’s the first thing she’s said to her all day, but also because she hadn’t been expecting a response at all. Ellie's neck cranes back to look at her.

“What?” She looks back at Ellie disbelieving, with a quirk of her brow and the start of a smile beginning to form. “Am I _that_ threatening?” She bares her teeth then, in a faux snarl that only lasts a second, because Ellie face doesn’t hold a hint of humour, and the facts of it come down hard and sudden on her shoulders. She continues in a smaller voice. “Are you being serious?”

“Well like, its not the first time its happened.” Ellie scratches the back of her neck, a sign that she may be regretting her worlds already, and Abby needs to find out what she means fast, before the conversation is over. “You make people jealous.”

“Not after six months.” Its true. It was one of her longer relationships, but any other time Abby had been involved in how they ended there had been a considerably earlier break; a woman taking one look at her new partner's roommate and making some assumptions. Dina had liked Abby. They didn’t even need to rely on Ellie for ease between them, which Ellie had taken initially as a good sign, but one that made her uncomfortable now.

Ellie swallows thickly, shrugs, and doesn’t meet her eyes. “Yeah. She, uh, she said that I was…” She scoffs, staring up ag the ceiling like she’s trying to find constellations in the panelling. “That I'm in love with you, whatever, that she’s not able to have relationships like that, like I’d been _lying_ to her that whole time and then we started fighting…” She trails off into a frown, pausing long enough that Abby isn’t sure if she’s meant to still be there. “I wasn’t lying to her.”

“You weren't.” Abby says, trying and failing to not make it sound like a question. Ellie stares over at her like she might _cry_ , and Abby can't meet it. She looks down at the floor instead.

“I wasn’t.” She repeats, and stands, tossing her cigarette butt carelessly over the railing and crossing the threshold back inside. Its freezing cold, but Abby doesn’t have it in her to ask her to close the door. “But I'm- I'm trying-" She's clearly struggling to find her words, biting back others, relatable in the most basic sense because Abby doesn’t know what to say either. “Fuck, Abs, I don’t know what I'm doing, I-"

“Its okay.” Abby cuts her off. “We don’t need to talk about it.”

“But we do though, right?” She looks up at her like she’s hoping she might disagree and fight her on it, but Abby doesn’t think she can do that for her. She just shrugs. Ellie isn’t satisfied with that. “Do you not want too?”

Abby is not sure how to answer that one for a moment, and she takes a deep breath to steady herself. She’s shown her hand once, maybe the same route might work a second time, even if it isn’t her preferred method of communication. She forces herself to look at Ellie again; she's fallen to sit on the couch, hands clasped tight in between her legs like she’s in prayer, but Ellie doesn’t believe in anything like that.

“Its okay,” she says, “because I _know_.”

She says it like Ellie should be able to infer what she’s saying from her tone, but she just looks at her confused, and Abby powers on blindly. “Last night, I'd- I've thought about it-"

Ellie cuts her off, rising from the couch in one fluid motion that is almost startlingly silent before she cups Abby's face, with a question in her eyes she must have found the answer too in Abby’s own, enough to close the distance between them and kiss her. Abby drops the towel, her hands immediately coming up to touch her as Ellie's disappear into her hair, lacing herself into it like she hopes it might ground her when her heels leave the floor. Abby takes fistfuls of her shirt in order to do the same, parting her lips when Ellie does to kiss her deeper, forcing her backwards and back to the couch.

Its hot, heavy, and Ellie groans her name when she climbs on top of her, straddling Abby's leg like its _normal_ , and its all Abby can do to push her back. “I... Have you thought about it?” Ellie looks down at her like she’s lived lifetimes since the last moment she'd spoken, but Abby needs to know that she’s not rebounding right now, that she’s not about to drop her when she gets bored, like hot garbage, the way she’s seen her do before, before trotting back home and forcing Abby into rounds and rounds of Tekken that she was always bound to lose. She’s too scared to clarify, but Ellie has always been good at reading her, and settles back in her lap.

Distance is good. Its not as stifling when there is distance. Ellie's hands toy with the short hairs on the back of her neck, her arms looped around her neck and resting on her shoulders. Abby rolls them absently.

“Only, uh, recently.” Ellie murmurs, not quite meeting her eye but honest. Embarrassed. She doesn’t like to talk about these kinds of things; Abby squeezes her waist in solidarity. “Joel said some stuff.”

“Bad things I'm sure.”

“Kind of.”

Ellie is frowning, and Abby knows she’s losing her a little. “We can… just do this.” She ventures. Her hands are light on Ellie's thighs, running up and down along the length of them for something to do. Ellie smiles, and closes the distance to kiss her once more, but its different, almost friendly if it weren’t for the sigh from the back of her throat. Abby has to shift her whole body to keep herself silent when Ellie leans back from her.

“Your hair looks dumb when it’s loose.” Ellie says, taking the length of it in her hands and laying it down along her chest.

“You're dumb and loose.” Abby says before she can control herself, earning herself a glare and a few choice curse words before Ellie pushes her off to sit beside her. It should feel like a loss, and it does, until her head comes down to rest on Abby's shoulder with a huff. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, you?” Ellie has a tenancy to make herself small when she’s nervous, and she’s doing it now. Abby doesn’t know what to say.

“Kinda freaking out, but okay.” Ellie reaches out to grab one of her hand in her own, dragging it over to her lap and swinging her arm as she does.

“Well stop! I got you.” She says, suddenly so confident and sure that Abby decides that she can live with it. She’s rests her head down on top of Ellie's, and lets her win when she begs her to forgo her shower for an hour to watch whatever stupid sitcom is playing. They'll talk about it, and work it out, because they always do, but for now its quiet.

Sadly Ellie is not one to let quiet sit for long. “So when you said you thought about it-"

“Oh my god, Ellie!” She rolls her eyes. “Did Joel tell you to ‘think about it?’”

“Gross! No! Dina did.”

“That’s almost worse.” Ellie grumbles but settles down properly on the couch, the nerves easing out of her body with every ring of a laugh track, until it feels normal enough to _be_ normal again. Ellie curls up beside her to leech some warmth, because she still hasn’t just gotten up to close the fucking door, but Abby doesn’t mind so much. Her lips still tingle where Ellie kissed her, but its still easy to make fun of the characters on screen, or the massive stain on Ellie's shirt, and for the first time all morning Abby actually believes herself.

They’ll be fine, at least if she has any say in it, because she’s happy like this. For now she just hopes that Ellie is too.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways, please leave me a comment validation is everything! Love yall, stay safe, dont be like these two and please pee after sex! 
> 
> (Tumblr is abbysratking)


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